The breakdown of a marriage is something that impacts the whole family. If you have children, it’s going to affect their lives in as much as it will affect yours. Even couples who don’t have kids can find that their divorce has an effect on their extended family, you can potentially learn more about how this can happen as well as how to figure it out. And the consequences aren’t just limited to their own relationship. But it’s when there are kids involved that couples need to tread carefully. They need to attempt to reach an outcome that’s not only best for them but best for their children too. Although you might want to ensure that your children grow up in a home with the constant presence of both parents, it’s a bad idea to “stay together for the kids”. The best that you can do is to help your children through the divorce as you help yourself through it.
Letting Them Know
It’s important that you tell your kids the truth about your divorce or separation. Even younger children can understand when something is wrong, and they won’t thank you for keeping them in the dark. However, talking to children about divorce isn’t easy for parents. You can make it easier on yourself by preparing beforehand. Think about what you’re going to say and what sort of questions your kids might ask. Stick to the truth, but keep it simple. You can explain that you don’t get along anymore. But they’re not your lawyer or therapist and probably don’t need long-winded answers. Make sure they know that the divorce doesn’t change how you feel about them, and that they know what changes they can expect in the near future.
Don’t Put the Kids in the Middle
When you talk to your children about the divorce, it’s important that you do it in a neutral way. You may be angry or upset with your spouse, but you should avoid being critical of them in front of your children. There might be a decision for you, your partner and your children to make about where the children will live. This might happen amicably between you or through a court process, but either way you should try not to paint your spouse as the bad one. Although you might need the kind of spousal support lawyer Riverside residents often call on, it’s not fair to treat your kids as a prize. As much as you can, present a united front to your children to let them know you’re on the same page, even if you aren’t all the time.
Talking and Listening
It’s important that your children know that they can talk to you during your separation and that you are there to listen to them. Give them chances to talk to you and take notice of when they might need some encouragement to open up. Make sure you acknowledge their feelings and resist trying to explain them away or dismiss them. Your ultimate goal is to let your children know that the divorce isn’t their fault and that it’s ok for them to feel upset and confused.
